Three Phone Calls

by K. McDevitt​

​1.
 
Halfway through his second set of chin-ups, Gary Sinclair’s cell phone rang. For a moment, he considered ignoring it. But his arms were already beginning to shake, and now seemed as good a time as any to take a break. He dropped off the bar and hit the padded floor of the basement exercise room. Taking a swig from his water bottle so he could speak, he wiped the sweat and condensation from his hands before answering. “’Lo?” He hadn’t bothered to see who was calling, but he had a pretty good idea. Classes were done for the day, and it was just shy of dinnertime: the perfect time to make evening plans with your boyfriend.
 
“Hi, it’s me.” From his voice, Ducky sounded happy, but he wasn’t as light and laidback as usual at the end of a workday. “Am I interrupting?”
 
Sin chuckled, dragging a part of the towel across his damp forehead. “Would you quit asking me things like that? If I had been busy, I wouldn’t have answered my phone.” He grinned, looking over at his own reflection in the mirror-covered wall. “Besides, of course I want to talk to you. What’s up?”
 
Ducky paused, and Sin suddenly felt worried. Without another prompt, however, Ducky said, “I think I’m going to tell my family I’m gay.”
 
Sin couldn’t have been more surprised if Ducky had said he was quitting math to join a band of traveling, Austrian circus performers, playing the role of the bearded lady. “R-really?” he stammered. He heard a sigh on the other end of the line.
 
“I’m tired to death of hiding, and I feel absolutely awful about lying all of the time. I live in constant fear that I’ll be found out. Even when I’m happy and shouldn’t be worrying about it, it pops into my mind. They deserve to hear it from me. I have to tell them.” He paused again. “Besides, I finally have a guy I want to spend time with out of our homes, out of the closet.”
 
“You’re not doing this because of me, are you?” Sin tried not to sound worried.
 
“No,” said Ducky. “You certainly factor in the equation, of course, because you’re part of my life. And it’s not fair to you—to us—that I hide and keep going out on dates, even if it’s with women I’ll never get together with. But I’m going to do this for myself and the person I want to be.”
 
Sin lay back on the thick, navy blue mat. “How in the world are you going to come out to them?”
 
“That… I haven’t quite figured out yet, honestly. They’re so traditional, and I know my parents are going to take it personally, like I’m saying it just to hurt them. I want it to be as painless as possible for them. The last thing I need is to give my father a heart attack and make my mother faint. Do you have any advice, Sin?”
 
Sin had some suggestions about what not to say. But, as he had never met Ducky’s family, he didn’t have much in the way of specifics. “Just make sure you let them know you love them,” he said.
 
“I do,” Ducky said. “And I will. Thanks.”
 
“And Ducky?”
 
“Mmhmm?”
 
Sin sat up, cradling the phone affectionately against his face as though it were Ducky’s face. “If it goes badly… and I’m not saying it will…” But Sin thought it was pretty probable, with what he knew of Ducky’s family and how his own had treated the news. “Remember that I’ve been through this, too. I know what you’re in for, and I’m really proud of you. And if you don’t get the outcome you’re hoping for, remember I’ll be here for you. You know that, right?”
 
“Yeah. I know that. Thank you, Sin. I love you.” They always ended with love and said it easily to each other, the words bubbling up out of their chests and flowing out of their mouths with youthful delight to finally have someone to say it to.
 
And they certainly weren’t afraid to say it. “Love you, too. Good luck.”
 
“Bye.”
 
“G’bye.” Sin lowered his phone and touched the button to end the call. He sat there on the floor for a moment, in contemplation. It was a tough call on Ducky’s part, and no matter how it went, this was going to change their relationship. But Sin didn’t see any way this revelation could go well.
 
 
 
2.
 
Sinclair was halfway through doing the dishes when his phone rang and vibrated in his pocket. He swore then apologized for swearing. He grabbed a dish towel and wiped his hands off to the sound of another ring and Auntie Al chuckling at him. “Take your call,” Auntie Al said. “I’ll finish up here.” He took the towel from Sin, and Sin dug his phone out.
 
“’Lo?” he answered anxiously. He paced back and forth across the kitchen a few times then took a seat at the kitchen table.
 
The person on the other end was, of course, Ducky. “Hi, Sin.” And then he said nothing at all.
 
Sin was bursting with curiosity and concern. Already, his mind was forming words of support and condolence. He knew what it was like to come out to a conservative, religious family. He knew what it felt like to be rejected, dismissed, and disowned. He knew the hurt and confusion, and he wanted to wrap Ducky up in his arms now and reassure him that he was still loved. But, first, Sin needed to know the extent of the damage. “Come on, man. Don’t leave me hanging like this! What happened? Did you tell them?”
 
“Yes,” he said. “Yes, I told them.”
 
“So? Do you need me to drive over to be with you?” Sin started to rise from the chair he’d just taken a seat in. Auntie Al looked over his shoulder at him, and Auntie Al looked nervous for them both. “Did they hurt you?”
 
“No,” Ducky replied. “I’m actually okay.”
 
Sin sat back down, cocking his head. For a second, he wasn’t sure he understood the definition of the word ‘okay’ anymore. “You are?” A pause. “Wait, really? Are you sure?”
 
“Actually,” said Ducky, “I’ve never been better.”
 
“Really?” Sin couldn’t shake the feeling of being dumbstruck.
 
“They were a bit shocked at first, of course. My father frowned and got up to pace the room, and my little sister burst into tears. My mom went all quiet. I was terrified. But I told them it wasn’t my choice. I told them that’s who I was and who I’ve always been. And I told them I’m really happy the way I am.” Ducky took a deep breath then continued. “I expected them to get mad at me or kick me right out and disown me. I expected a lecture about the importance of having children to carry on the family legacy and for them to start evoking the names of our ancestors. I expected something awful. But, instead, my mother finally spoke up. ‘Thank goodness,’ she said.”
 
“What?” That didn’t make sense. None of this made any sense.
 
“She laughed and said it again. ‘Thank goodness you’re gay, Bing. All of those women I’ve set you up with, and not a single second date. I thought there was something horribly wrong with you for all those girls not to want you. I thought it was my fault, for doing something wrong in raising you. But if this is the reason, I am relieved!’ Can you imagine that, Sin? She’s happy, she’s actually relieved to find out I’m gay! After we all talked about it a little more, no one was angry with me, not even my father. If anything, they were disappointed I hadn’t told them before. They said I should have been honest, but they understood why I hadn’t.”
 
“Wow…” Sin said quietly. “So,” he hesitated before each word. “Do you want to—”
 
“I’m actually going to stay the night with them tonight,” Ducky said. “My whole family is here, even some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins come over. News travels fast in my family. They want to be with me and talk with me a little more about things. I want to give them the chance to ask whatever questions they have. But before that, I wanted to let you know how it went, because you were so sweet and encouraging. I wanted to tell you immediately as soon as I could that it went so well.”
 
There was silence, during which Sin couldn’t think of what to say.
 
“Sin?”
 
“I’m happy for you,” Sin said automatically, not feeling the least bit happy and not understanding why. “Look, you go be with your family. I have to finish the dishes.” Auntie Al turned around and looked at him again, shaking his head and motioning with a dismissive wave that he was almost done and didn’t need Sin’s help. But Sin ignored the message or pretended he didn’t understand. He turned his back on Auntie Al at the sink. “I’ll talk to you later, Ducky. Bye.”
 
“Oh. Okay. Bye, Sin. I l—”
 
But Sin already had his phone down, and pressed the button to hang up. He stared at the phone, blinking at the ‘Call ended’ message. Without making any further mention of the dishes, Sin stood up, shoved his phone into his pocket, and headed upstairs to his bedroom.
 
 
 
3.
 
Sinclair was working on an English assignment, with books and notes spread out all around his laptop. He was four questions into the ten his teacher required, but he was on a roll now and he was sure he’d get it done in no time.
 
His cell phone rang. Sin reached for it automatically, but instead of answering it right away, he simply looked at the caller id then set it back down again on the desk. He had his homework to finish.
 
Question number five involved polar opposites found within the works he was supposed to be analyzing. Not too difficult. He began typing up a quick list of the most obvious, and a few he hoped his professor would think were pretty damn brilliant. He picked up a book or two, flipping through for quotes. He had to hold the books open with one hand while typing the quotes up one-handed, followed by page numbers in parentheses.
 
The phone rang again. He glanced at it, seeing the same name and number displayed. He took the same action and ignored it. After seven rings it went to voice mail and Sin had silence again in his room. Silence in which his mind started to spiral and heart started to race.
 
He didn’t like suddenly being alone with that right now. So he saved his assignment and minimized the window while he went searching for a good album in his music library on iTunes. He decided on his KISS playlist and turned the volume up high. It sounded a bit flat and metallic through his laptop computer speakers. Actually, maybe it sounded better with the added metal element. The important part was how it ate away at his panic and helped him concentrate on homework again.
 
It was playing so loudly that he didn’t hear his phone ring while he was working on question number seven, or again during numbers eight, nine, or ten. When he finished the assignment, he saved it and shut down the computer. Then, leaving his phone on the desk, he headed downstairs to see if Auntie Al could use any help with the dinner preparations.
 
He made it to the first floor and was halfway down the hallway to the kitchen when Jamie popped out of the kitchen, the cordless landline phone in his hand. “Hey, Sin. Great timing. I was just coming to find you. You’ve got a phone call.”
 
Sin stopped short with a deer in headlights look. He shook his head, trying to decide how to wordlessly explain he did not want the phone.
 
But Jamie insisted, walking over with his hand and the phone extended. “It’s Ducky. Says he’s been trying your cell phone but you probably had it off.”
 
Sin closed his eyes, wishing he were anywhere but there. Then, knowing this was unavoidable, he walked over and grabbed the phone from Jamie, being a bit rougher than he should and regretting it when Jamie gave him a puzzled, curious look.
 
Sin pretended everything was normal and casually lifted the phone to his ear. “Hi, Ducky.”
 
“Hey,” Ducky said, sounding hesitant, soft, worried. “I was trying your cell phone.”
 
“I was doing homework and turned it off so I wouldn’t be disturbed,” he lied.
 
 “Since when don’t you want to be disturbed during homework?”
 
“I don’t know,” Sin said, shrugging though he knew Ducky couldn’t see the action. “Just wanted to concentrate I guess.”
 
“Oh. Well… I was just finishing up here on campus and wanted to know if you could me downtown for dinner. There’s a little Ethiopian place that just opened I’ve been dying to try—”
 
“I think I’m just going to have dinner here. They already started making it.”
 
“Oh,” again. “Well how about breakfast tomorrow morning before classes? It’s your late day tomorrow, right? No class until noon?”
 
“But I’ve got hockey practice. So I can’t do—”
 
“Sin?” Ducky interrupted. “It’s been a few days since I, you know, told my family and we’ve barely been in touch. Yesterday when we met up on campus you seemed distant. And you seem distant now. Is everything okay?”
 
Sin didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer. How could he possibly explain what he didn’t really understand, himself? How could he make Ducky understand that that he had liked dynamic they’d had when Ducky had been in the closet, when Ducky had needed him to help preserve his secret? How could he tell Ducky that he was jealous about the positive, supportive reaction Ducky’s family had had? How could he explain that he wanted their relationship to be like it was before, with Sin as the brave one and Ducky leaning on him? It was all perfectly absurd. The inside of his head made no sense whatsoever. And none of it felt okay.
 
“Can we please get together tomorrow after classes?” Ducky asked. “I think we really need to talk.”
 
Sin choked out and almost squeaky “Yes.” He agreed to meet at Ducky’s office after office hours. Then he hung up the phone and stormed down the hallway toward the kitchen to put the phone back in its wall-mounted base.
 
In the kitchen, reading the Sports section of the newspaper, Jamie looked up when Sin entered. “What was that about?”
 
Sin stopped halfway out of the kitchen and looked straight ahead at the doorway. In a tone that left no room for doubt, he announced, “Ducky and I are breaking up.”